A New Perspective

I recently wrote about the story behind Poison. You can read that blog here: The Story Behind the Story. But I discovered there's even more

Just the other day, I had lunch with a friend. She's read Poison a couple times, so she's well indoctrinated in my universe. One topic that came up was the relationship between Gaultier and Velius. As we spoke about their struggle, something totally new dawned on me. I'll get to that in a minute, but first, I want to set the stage.

Gaultier, my main character, is a dedicated Logia. (If you're not familiar with them, click here.) He lost his parents in a brutal murder committed by enemies of the Crown. He knows his brother had a hand in it, but he doesn't know to what extent. Their relationship is strained at best, but even so, he longs to have a close, tight connection. Wanting to trust, he chooses repeatedly to invest his heart in the relationship.

Velius is an enigma. I can't reveal too much about him without giving away the story. Wanting to be dedicated to the Crown and live a holy, just life, he plays the part well.  However, he struggles with internal demons that are far more powerful.

Here's the realization: I am Gaultier, while Velius is my dad.

My dear, wonderful dad had a secret that killed him. He was an alcoholic. Now, I don't wish to speak ill of my dad. I love him very much, but I must be transparent here. His desire to drink caused a great rift in our relationship.

On occasion, my dad would quit drinking. He'd give up the addiction that plagued him and become the father I so desperately wanted. Time and time again, I trusted the change would be permanent. That he'd conquered that terrible disease and came out a victor. I would be his little girl, no matter my age, and I'd always feel safe, protected, and loved.

Until the shadow returned in the form of a delicately cut bottle with an insidious brown liquid inside. How quickly the shadow turned into a monster.

That's not to say my dad was abusive toward me. Thankfully, I never suffered that tragedy. But when he'd drink, he was absent. And we knew better than to get in his way.

I beg you, if you have a problem with alcohol, please seek help. Like I said, it killed my dad. He died alone of a massive heart attack, his body too weak and tired to fight. Years of alcohol abuse deteriorated his organs. This is one of the reasons I choose not to imbibe. I am scared of the power alcohol might hold over me.

On a different note, I love how writing delves into the heart of the author. Our innermost secrets are revealed on the page, disguised by our characters' efforts and struggles. This one ran so deeply, I hadn't seen it myself until talking with my friend. This is why I look at writing as my therapy. It's such a great way to explore our subconscious and work through things we carry with us. Even if we don't intend to go there.

So, while I relate to Gaultier in such a personal way, perhaps this is why I feel strongly connected to Velius. Even though he appears to be the antagonist, I adore him. His character is so complex and multi-faceted, and he just can't seem to catch a break, despite his desire to do so. 

Just like I love my dad...and miss him so.