Who I Choose to Be

In recent years, I've had many family members and friends comment on how "innocent" I am. Certain words slip out, and people apologize to me. Certain board/card games won't be played because they are a bit unsavory. Certain movies won't be discussed. The list goes on and on.

What they don't know about me is that I used to swear like a sailor. I used to play those unsavory games. I used to watch nasty movies. (Okay, maybe not nasty, but pretty bad.)  And much worse.

But you know what changed? It's sounds trite, although it's anything but.

God got a hold of me.

​When I chose to place my faith in Jesus Christ, I also had to choose who I was to become. Would I continue to walk in that lifestyle? Consume whatever I felt like, be it books, movies, songs...and let all that affect my behavior? Or would I "go and sin no more," as Jesus told the woman caught in adultery.

To make matters better (I can't say worse because I got to marry my sweetie!), I became a pastor's wife. Not only was I needing to fight that battle within. It was on display for a church full of people!

Now, I'm not perfect. Far from it. But I am choosing to fill my life with good things. Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." That's what I choose to fill my life with.

Sometimes I slip. I've written a series of books that are far edgier than anything I've written before. And just last night, I started watching a movie that went from bad to worse. I tolerated more than a few F-bombs because I wanted to see where it was going. And when it went to a place that made me super uncomfortable, I turned it off. The images, though, stuck with me through a good part of the evening. And that's the problem. Even when you turn stuff off, it's still in your head.

Please don't hear me say that I think I'm better than you. Not one bit. I am a sinner saved by grace. This is a choice I make for me--to keep myself in check and to be an example for my children. I'm now wearing my innocence proudly. I'm a child of the one true King. I want His voice to lead me. I want His words to fill my mouth. I want His spirit to fill my heart.

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